The WTC Attack, Sep 11 2001
Commentary and Analysis
Ten Proposed New Laws for the Current Crisis
- To buy an American flag, you must present proof you have
voted at least once in the last three elections (yes, local
and state elections count).
- To display an American flag in any form, you must present
proof of voter registration.
- To wave an American flag in public, you must be able to
name at least one of the following:
- A. One of your U.S. Senators
- B. Your U.S. Representative
- C. Your President ("George Bush" does not count; ambiguous)
- To sell any product with an American flag on it, you must
answer the following question correctly:
The Bill of Rights is part of:
- the Constitution;
- the Magna Carta;
- the Declaration of Independence.
- Those heard singing patriotic songs in public may be asked
to show their voter registration cards.
- To be permitted to scream "Nuke Afghanistan," you must be
able to correctly locate Afghanistan on a map or globe.
- To be permitted to scream "Arabs go home," you must list
and correctly locate ten Arab homelands.
- Those who wish to express opinions about Arabs and Arab-
Americans must pass the following test:
A. Those who follow the religion of Islam are called:
B. The holy book of Islam is called:
- - Muslims
- - Muslins
- - Fanatics
C. In Arabic, God is called:
- - The Koran
- - The Koram
- - The Bible
- Priority for purchase of American flags will be given to
those whose ancestors lived on American soil the longest. When
all Native Americans who wish to display the red, white and
blue are satisfied, other applicants will be accepted.
- A call for war on any radio talk-show will be construed as
a public declaration of willingness to enlist in the US Army;
callers will have 24 hours to complete the paperwork.
Back to Main (Index) Page